Having problems coping

Wayne is driving me nuts these days. I wonder if it is his alzheimer's or is he just being the old obstinate person he always was, only this seems worse. He only LISTENS to the TV, has his back to the TV most of the time, and when I ask him what he is watching, he'll point to the window or something. I have been trying to get him to wear those glasses but he just refuses to. I'm just worried about him but he thinks I'm being a pest. Guess I should mention that he has cataracts in both eyes and the doctor said it would be dangerous for him to have surgery (he needs) because with his parkinsons he could twitch and it could cause the needle/knife to move and he could end up blind, so we opted out of that for now.  

I find catsup and mustard in the freezer. Yesterday I couldn't find the instructions to the bed rails (my son-in-law installed them yesterday) and wondered if he threw them away. It could be in my car b/c I may have taken them when I had to go to Lowes to pick up a nut driver for my drill. I remember what the instructions say so maybe it will be ok. (update:  yes, everything went well with installing them thanks to my son-in-law Derek).  And my car is in the dealers for service.


Here are the bed rails Derek installed for me.  I ordered these because Wayne kept falling out of the bed.

I've been trying to get him to do things more for himself because I have "spoiled" him doing everything for him. It is helping a little but he is getting angry because I am not doing some things for him. I help when where he needs it (getting dressed, catherizing he can't do ever, and whatever else).  I have to get a handle on getting this house in shape (clean and everything put away). Once summer is done and no more gardening, I should be able to get on track with that.  Just seems once I sit down he is calling me for help with something. 

It is so hard trying to figure out if this is his "just being normal" or if it is the brain confused. I know when he is confused but when he says things that are mean, then that confuses me. I knew before when it was just him being him, blowing off hot tempered, then getting over it in a minute and leaving you angry and upset. But now I'm having trouble telling which is which and don't want to say something I shouldn't. KWIM? I know there is something very wrong with what looks like to be his staring in space. He listens to everything as I said, doesn't watch. Yesterday he went into the kitchen and I asked him what he was doing there and he said "trying to see the TV better" ...well, the TV is in the living room, not the kitchen.

AND... I don't know if this is because I have FRENCH background, but I am one of those kind of people who tends to get upset easy (I never thought I was in the past though)... things bother me, good or bad.  I get excited usually about good things but don't always show it.  I also seem to be easily upset.  I don't know if it comes from passion or what, but it is getting in my way of doing what I need to do to help my husband!  Before all this bad stuff happened to Wayne, if we disagreed about something, we just told each other.  Now, it seems, I have no way of expressing that.  Maybe none of that makes any sense.  It is sure confusing me also.  I think the problem lies in that I am so upset because my husband cannot remember something, or because he can't be the "partner" relationship we use to have, and I worry worry worry about him all the time.  I hardly take care of myself.  I know I need to change that but don't know how.

I'm just missing my loving husband, partner, partner-in-crime, so to speak.  

Oh, by the way, I found a wonderful group called "Forget Me Not" on facebook if any of you need a group, like I do.